


My mind’s begging you not to go

by Cloudyjongho



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Bottom Moon Taeil, But the sex is sweet, Crying, Fighting, M/M, Sad Ending, Sex, Smut, Top Lee Donghyuck, breaking up, but it just doesn’t work, they are in love, they break up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-01
Updated: 2020-09-01
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:40:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26238031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cloudyjongho/pseuds/Cloudyjongho
Summary: It truly was bittersweet.The way Taeil's skin tingled from Donghyuck's gentle kisses, the way those shot pleasure up his spine. But those kisses were also dangerous. They made Taeil’s skin crawl and eyes burn with tears, stomach twist and lips tremble.OrTaeil and Donghyuck break up after fighting for months. They have their last 'Crazy in love' moment.
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Moon Taeil
Comments: 8
Kudos: 40





	My mind’s begging you not to go

Taeil and Donghyuck had had many different kind of silences. They had the one kind of 'study' silence, when Taeil had to force Donghyuck to stay quiet by threatening to not to cuddle with him for a week.

They had the silences that weren't completely silent; the TV's volume was very low, something maybe boiled in a pot and Donghyuck hummed a song while Taeil read a book.

They had the silence that was just Donghyuck singing in another room to muffle out the sound so Taeil could study.

They had the silences that were made by kissing. The small, wet noises could be heard every now and then, but it was enough to fill the room. They had a noisier rated 18 silence when Donghyuck was buried deep inside Taeil, and the two of them made love.

But never in their relationship had they had this kind of silence.

It was pressuring. It was tensed, it was full of dark emotions. It made Taeil's usually grinning lips turn down, and it made Donghyuck's lively eyes darken and lose their glint. It was a scary sight.

Donghyuck stood in front of the TV with his hands crossed against his chest. Taeil wasn't any better, he was just a few meters away from his partner. Donghyuck had just come home from recording a new musicvideo, yet they had already managed to cause a fight.

This had been going on for months. Continuous fighting from day to day, night to night and morning to morning. The fights were always about something very stupid, like spilling something on the floor and not cleaning it immediately.

They were both tired of fighting, work, and everything. Donghyuck was a busy idol that was on the go all the time, leaving Taeil home without his boyfriend for long amounts of time. Taeil was a soon-to-be teacher, studying hard for it.

They were so tired.

"Where were you?" Taeil asked strictly.

It was literally 3 am. Taeil had been worried sick since Donghyuck had been supposed to come home at six today, but there he was, nine hours late. And he reeked of alcohol.

"None of your business." Donghuck spat, looking away from Taeil.

Taeil scoffed.

"None of my business? Really? I have been worried for you! You were supposed to be here nine hours ago, but no, you come home at three in the fucking morning, reeking of alcohol and it's still none of my business?" Taeil almost yelled. Almost.

"I'm an adult! I can take care of myself!" Donghyuck growled. His voice was a bit raspy, lips swollen and red. That made Taeil's stomach twist uncomfortably.

"You're an idol! You could've been kidnapped! But you were probably busy fucking some whore in a club, weren't you? I know you were," Taeil now straight up yelled before letting out a mocking chuckle.

"And I here thought you loved me."

Donghyuck narrowed his eyes.

"Don't you dare go there."

"Go fucking where? Your lips are red and swollen, your shirt is halfway open and you wouldn't even look at me before I forced you to!"

"I'm making this clear. I did not cheat on you, thank you for trusting me. I'm going to sleep now." Donghyck said and turned around.

Taeil squeezed his hands to tight balls and bit his lower lip to stop the hot tears from gathering in his eyes. He had been right, Donghyuck had fallen out of love with him. He knew it.

"Fine. Go to sleep and pretend like everything is okay. But it's not. Lay down on the bed and smile, but just to let you know, I won't be here tomorrow when you wake up." Taeil said, and Donghyuck turned around slowly.

"Are you threatening me?" He asked, narrowing his eyes again.

"No! I'm just so tired of this, Donghyuck. I'm absolutely exhausted. I don't have any energy left! You're always mad at me for no reason, then I get mad and then we fight. I'm burning out, Donghyuck, I really am." Taeil exclaimed, waving his hands around and biting his lower lip again to not to cry.

He had lost everything he had had with Donghyuck. He had lost the man he fell in love with. Who even was Donghyuck? He didn't even know anymore.

"You think I'm not? I work so fucking much but then you nag if I go drinking to clear my head from you, from this and from us!" Donghyuck yelled.

Draggers pierced through Taeil's chest and heart, and he only shook his head.

He needed to let go. He would really burn out if he didn't get out.

He decided it.

"There's no 'us' from now on, Donghyuck." Taeil whispered.

Something flashed in Donghyuck's eyes. Was it fear?

"Are you leaving me? Are you fucking serious?" He asked loudly.

"Yes. I am breaking up with you." Taeil said, his voice now wavering more, and his eyes moistening up yet again. But he still refused to cry.

His heart felt heavy, and somehow he got a bead of sweat running down his back. It was over now. There was no turning back.

Something in Donghyuck's usually lively eyes shattered, and Taeil had no one else to blame than himself. He did this.

"Illie..." Donghyuck whispered, suddenly using nicknames. His eyes were shiny with tears, and god, Taeil felt so bad.

"I really can't do this anymore. I just can't. I'm so tired, Hyuck." Taeil said, accidentally slipping to the nickname basis too.

Donghyuck bit his lower lip and nodded.

It was a different kind of silence now. It was full of sadness, of straight up sorrow, of fuming emotions, but also pieces of their hearts.

Taeil couldn't stand looking at Donghyuck anymore. He was the most important human in Taeil's whole life, he was Taeil's sun. Taeil was the moon. They were supposed to be bound together.

He loved Donghyuck so much. So much that it hurt him, it stabbed him with a blunt piece of mirror. He would've taken the hits. He would've taken them if it wasn't for his reflection in the mirror.

His face was pale and eyebags black, making him look sick. His eyes were tired and puffy from staying up and crying after they fought. Taeil was so tired, that no matter how much he loved Donghyuck, if they stayed together, Taeil would lose himself in the process.

It was time to be a bit selfish.

Taeil had to balance himself by leaning against the wall for support. His eyes span and insides twisted painfully, and his stupid heart had the audacity to do a few extra beats that felt nasty. If it had been a normal evening, Donghyuck would've teased him for being old. But Donghyuck was broken now too. There was not even one sparkle of that joy, that almost childish happiness left in his eyes.

Footsteps came closer, but Taeil didn't look up.

He assumed Donghyuck was leaving, it was Taeil's apartment after all, but he was wrong.

Soon Taeil was caged between Donghyuck's hands, and his chin was tilted up. His own teary eyes met Donghyuck's, and Taeil had to fight against breaking down right there and then.

"Can we do it for the last time? Can I feel you just once more?" Donghyuck asked so softly that Taeil had to close his eyes.

His lips curled down by the force of the urge to cry, his brows furrowed and he bit down on his lip so hard that it began bleeding. Taeil lowered his head and covered his face with one hand, breathing a lot heavier now. His chest did a few dry sobs, but he managed to keep himself from crying.

"Please, Hyuckie. Please." Taeil whispered out, his voice cracking.

Donghyuck didn't waste time. He picked Taeil up like he used to do after their cute dates in a park— which Taeil did not want to remember now— and walked quickly to Taeil's bedroom.

Taeil was placed on the bed on his back very gently, so different from what Donghyuck usually did. He was always full of energy, so when they fucked, it was pretty rough.

Now, even a small gesture like that seemed to fill up Taeil's broken heart up a bit, before it emptied itself again. But still, he tried to reach out for Donghyuck. Even if it hurt him more.

Donghyuck pulled his own shirt off before gently getting on top of Taeil and looking down at him.

"You're so beautiful." Donghyuck whispered, but didn't wait for an answer. He just lowered his head and pressed his lips against Taeil's, just staying still for a moment.

Taeil didn't breathe. Every cell in his body was desperately trying to memorize what Donghyuck's lips felt like. He was trying to save these moments to the folder called Donghyuck, which was full if memories, but his brains kept saying error. Maybe they were trying to wake Taeil up, to get him up and to throw Donghyuck out, but he wasn't listening.

Donghyuck's lips moved against his own so slowly that it was torturous. It felt so good yet so bad, so right but so wrong. The weight on top of him made him feel safe, but also trapped.

Taeil answered to the kiss just as slowly and carefully, but Donghyuck decided it was enough and began using his tongue.

Same kind of fireworks exploded in Taeil's stomach now that had done when the two of them had shared their first kiss together. But the difference was that now he didn't know if they really were fireworks, or was his stomach just on fire like a Amazon a few years back.

Now that there was the bittersweet element of breaking up, it made this more lustful. They both knew this was the last time they could touch each other like this. After this, everything was over.

Donghyuck's pecks and kisses that now trailed down Taeil's body did give him pleasure, but whenever his lips connected to a new part, it made Taeil's skin crawl. He had to ignore that feeling.

"Let me have you one more time, Illie. Let me take you once more. Just once." Donghyuck muttered against Taeil's stomach, and when Taeil didn't answer at all, he continued the tender kisses.

Half of Taeil wanted to push him away, but half of him wanted to stay like this. To be like this.

Donghyuck's soft lips kissed the skin just above Taeil's navel— something Donghyuck had always liked to do— and Taeil helped him to pull his shirt completely off. It was easier that way.

Soon the black sweatpants left Taeil's legs, as the idol undressed them both. The air inside the room was still so tensed that Taeil didn't look forward to moaning. But Donghyuck had his ways with Taeil, he knew how the older man worked.

Donghyuck's still cold fingers ran up from the inner side of Taeil's ankle straight up to his inner thighs. That made Taeil gasp, and his skin got covered with goosebumps. Shivers ran down his spine when Donghyuck leaned to kiss Taeil's left inner thigh, leaving the sensitive, delicate skin a few marks there. Taeil would stare at those marks for as long as they were there, that was known.

Donghyuck didn't bother speaking. He just grabbed the lube and covered his fingers with a lot of it— he always did. The clear gel ran down his fingers, and the familiar scent of peaches filled Taeil's nose. He made a note to throw that lube away after this.

The chilly fingers covered with the cold substance stopped right before Taeil, and he looked up at Donghyuck. His eyes sparkled just like they had done when things still had been good. That almost made Taeil want to try again. Try to stay together again, but he desperately held onto that relationship had now. Which was nothing. This was just the last thing together, and after this Donghyck and Taeil went different ways. He doubted they could be friends, actually no, they wouldn't be able to do that. Atleast Taeil could still see Donghyuck everywhere around him. In the TV, in the latests magazines, in the subways, especially around his birthday in june. Taeil wasn't sure if it was torture or not.

Taeil rolled over and got on his fours to help Donghyuck a bit. He let his hands break down and let his chest lay on the matress. He wasn't a pillow princess, but right now he didn't have enough energy to stay up like that.

He also wanted to use the matress to drown out his moans.

Taeil flinched when the first finger entered, and he couldn't help but clench around it. It was so cold. Normally Donghyuck's fingers were warm and inviting, now Taeil wanted to get them away. But at the same time, he really didn't.

Donghyuck's finger worked in Taeil slowly, as if the younger wanted to spend as much time together like this as was possible. Or maybe that was just what Taeil wanted.

"Let me hear you." Donghyuck whispered when Taeil pressed his face to the matress to muffle out a moan of getting two scissoring fingers inside him.

Taeil pressed his eyes closed and wheezed for air. He felt so breathless already, and Donghyuck wasn't even inside him. Was it because of the feeling of emptiness in his heart?

Donghyuck's talented fingers stretched Taeil out well so the penetration wouldn't hurt. Donghyck had always been tender and gentle, making sure it didn't hurt Taeil, but now the older of the two just hoped Donghyuck could be rougher. So he could forget those fingers running up and down his body. So he could forget the tender kisses. So the only thing he remembered was pain. So that everything could be easier. But no, Donghyuck was Donghyuck, and the best thing that had ever happened to Taeil, whether he wanted it or not.

Taeil whimpered when Donghyuck pulled his fingers out and gently rolled Taeil over. He immediately knew what the Sun wanted. He wanted to watch Taeil while making the last bits of love. He had always wanted to do that after being away for too long, and after this, he would be away forever. That made Taeil's eyes moisten up again, but fortunately for him, the tears stayed in his eyes. The last thing he wanted to do now was to cry.

"Are you ready?" Donghyuck whispered while getting on top of Taeil. His tanned skin and the defined muscles in his biceps were a thing Taeil had always loved.

"Yeah." Taeil whispered back, and watched how Donghyuck looked down to get his cock to its right place.

Then the younger looked up and straight to Taeil's eyes, his eyes shining. Taeil wasn't sure if they were moist with tears or not. He began pushing in, gently as he had always done, while searching for something in Taeil's eyes.

Taeil squeezed the sheets and let his mouth fall open with an almost silent gasp, but refused to look away from Donghyuck. Donghyuck's eyes were full or adoration and fondness— fuck, they almost made Taeil want to make Donghyuck stay in his life. He was so gorgeous, so breathtakingly beautiful that it hurt Taeil. It really did. It tore him apart, like someone grabbed his legs and spread them.

But so did their relationship. It didn't tear him in half, but to shreds. To tiny, tiny broken pieces. Not pieces of mirror or glass that could be glued together— but to pieces of paper, wind stealing half of them and taking them away, just to make sure Taeil suffered.

Donghyuck's brows furrowed as he finally got fully inside Taeil, and he leaned down to press a kiss to Taeil's collarbone. It made his skin tingle again. It made his skin crawl again. But Taeil didn't care anymore. Not for a minute.

"Hyuckie..." Taeil breathed out, looking for Donghyuck's eyes again. He needed those eyes, he needed Donghyuck now. He would need him for a couple of weeks, but maybe after torturing himself for long enough, he would be okay.

Donghyuck looked up again, and slowly pulled out, pushing in. He watched Taeil, and the older wanted to know what was going on inside that beautiful mind. That beautiful mind that also knew how to yell. How to curse. How to hurt with words.

But of course, Donghyuck wasn't the only one at fault. Taeil had been just as mean to him.

Every time Donghyuck pushed in, it left Taeil breatless. Now because of the cock inside him. He would have to learn a way to breathe again— without Donghyuck. On his own.

A soft moan escaped Taeil's mouth, but it came out as a broken one. As a dry sob.

Donghyuck didn't mind it, but he pushed in with a steady pace, probably looking at how Taeil's hands shook while squeezing the sheets. How Taeil's cock was rock hard, curved against his stomach. How it leaked precum and how Taeil's eyes were probably still wet and foggy, just like his mind. His mind was like walking to his school at 7 am when winter was right behind the corner. The fog, the mist always wetted Taeil's clothes, made him shiver and regret walking.

Now Taeil shivered, and regretted something he couldn't name. He was way too driven by the lust to stop.

Donghyuck's groan woke him up from his thoughts, and he noticed how Donghyuck had picked up the pace. His cock slid in and out easily, the lube and Taeil's loosened hole allowing the movement to become snappy and easy. Donghyuck leaned over to kiss Taeil again— to muffled his moans. Maybe to feel it for the last time. The gasps and sharp inhales for air, the sweet moans Taeil's vocal chords let out.

Their last moment was reaching its highest point. Donghyuck had, after all, asked for one round.

Donghyuck broke the kiss and leaned over to whisper in Taeil's ear.

"You won't mind if i spice things up a bit, right? You have always liked it a bit rough."

Taeil mewled. He straight up mewled, and that gave Donghyuck the permission.

Donghyuck's arms were probably tired from continuously holding himself on top of Taeil like this, but he still pushed himself to do more, like he had always done. Donghyuck grabbed Taeil's hands and pulled them to rest on the both sides of his head, only to hold his wrists tightly against the matress. Tightly enough to leave some marks.

It probably was Donghyuck's tactic. He wanted to make sure Taeil remembered him for a while. He had given Taeil pretty marks to his inner thighs and neck, now he wanted to mark his wrists, and lastly fuck him rough so he would feel Donghyuck inside him for at least a few days. It was kind of fucked up, but still kind of understandable.

Taeil moaned as Donghyuck squeezed his wrists harder when he began fucking Taeil fast and hard, his cock sliding in and out. Donghyuck was right, this was how Taeil had always liked it.

Taeil let out a mix of moan and yell when Donghyuck's cock brushed his sensitive spot, but just like always, Donghyuck didn't want to give it that much attention. He focused on filling Taeil up push after push, thrust after thrust.

Sweat ran down Donghyuck's forehead and dropped on top of Taeil, but he didn't feel disgusted. Donghyuck's eyes were still sparkling, but now clouded with something else as well. Anger? Sorrow? Lust? Definitely lust, but what else? Jealousy?

Donghyuck was a bit possessive, so maybe he really was jealous of not having Taeil for himself. That made Taeil's stomach warm up again, but he pushed it down as quickly as it had come up.

"Hyuckie, please..." Taeil whimpered out, begging for something he didn't even recognize wanting. What was it? He didn't know.

He knew Donghyuck was close, because he was too. Donghyuck growled, probably searching for more strength with that. His arms were shaking, but then he quit the merciless pace.

Donghyuck began pulling almost completely out and then pushing in as deeply as possible, making Taeil's back arch and mouth let out filthy, loud moans.

Tears sprung to Taeil's eyes again. Donghyuck was almost done, and the feelings hit him like a truck now.

A part of him hoped that Donghyuck would stay for the night and cuddle with Taeil. But he knew it would be over the moment Donghyuck cummed. He would leave.

The feeling of loneliness hit Taeil now, and he desperately tried to yank his hands away to hold Donghyuck's hands as if he was drowning. It really felt like that, because he finally recognized the loneliness again, after more than a pyear. Taeil moaned but tried to get his hands away so he could just do anything— hug Donghyuck or wrap his arms around Donghyuck's. He didn't want to be left alone. The panick coursed through his mind, but pleasure already had too much space inside it, so when Donghyuck cummed with a loud moan, Taeil couldn't help but moan out a needy _Donghyuck_.

Donghyuck's hand wrapped around Taeil's cock and he began slowly stroking it, smearing the precum on the tip. Taeil squirmed and moaned and god he felt so bad but so good—

He cummed with a loud cry, and after that, he began really crying.

His insides twisted, his stomach lurched and his brains became fogged.

He wasn't ready to be left alone. He couldn't do it. No. Please no.

Donghyuck, please don't leave.

Taeil cried very loudly, his body rocking with the sobs, and he just wanted away. He wanted to forget everything. Even if Donghyuck was his everything, not knowing him was better than Donghyuck leaving his life.

"Shh... it's okay." Donghyuck whispered and pecked Taeil's tears away.

But after that, he stood up and put his clothes on. Taeil cried harder.

No. Please.

"Hyuckie..." Taeil cried desperately, body curling up to a fetus position.

He watched Donghyuck close his belt through his blurry eyes, and what he saw made him feel even worse.

The light had finally left Donghyuck's eyes.

Donghyuck walked closer to Taeil, and for a moment he hoped. But all Donghyuck did was a kiss on Taeil's forehead as he whispered the cruel words:

"I hope you live your life happily, Taeil. I hope you fulfill your dream."

And like that, Donghyuck turned around and left the bedroom, the apartment, and Taeil's life.

Even weeks after, Taeil still fell asleep Donghyuck's purple hoodie pressed against his nose, tears running down his cheeks, and loneliness carving yet another hole to his chest.

It had been his choice, after all.

Maybe after a few more weeks Taeil would be fine again.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! And i’m sorry!
> 
> I don’t do sad endings at all but... i wanted to try. I hope you guys liked this!🥺  
> Thank you for reading❤️
> 
> [my twitter](https://twitter.com/cloudyjjongie?s=21) and [my curiouscat](https://curiouscat.qa/Cloudyjongho)


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